Douglas Dollars is Six Times Alive.

Terrible idea of the last five minutes

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:16:57 -0700

(Assuming the city would allow it) name your business (any business) The Whorehouse. Have your merchandise hammer on the name. T-shirts that say “I got blasted at The Whorehouse” “$5 is a fortune at The Whorehouse.” The product or purpose of your business doesn’t actually matter.

I just remembered about Hooters. Nevermind. Same idea, but they’ve franchised.

Chunk of print frightens nation

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:09:08 -0700

Chunk of print frightens nation:

bobulate:

The American public this week:

Unable to rest their eyes on a colorful photograph or boldface heading that could be easily skimmed and forgotten about, Americans collectively recoiled Monday when confronted with a solid block of uninterrupted text.

Dumbfounded citizens from Maine to California gazed helplessly at the frightening chunk of print, unsure of what to do next. Without an illustration, chart, or embedded YouTube video to ease them in, millions were frozen in place, terrified by the sight of one long, unbroken string of English words.

You may want to avert your eyes a bit if you must click over to read in its entirety. Still larger chunks of print lie ahead.

Disgusting filth. The horror.

“It demands so much of my time and concentration,” said Chicago resident Dale Huza, who was confronted by the confusing mound of words early Monday afternoon. “This large block of text, it expects me to figure everything out on my own, and I hate it.”

Oh YouTube, if you think letting me earn a penny for every...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:24:34 -0700

Oh YouTube, if you think letting me earn a penny for every thousand additional viewers watch this video is some sort of “partnership” how about we be real partners where you contact your other “partners” at Warner music allow people outside of North America to view the Buck 65 video I’ve posted.

I take hard-to-get videos and post them to YouTube under my account to save them from disappearing from the internet. YouTube is still terrible, but Vimeo’s policy disallows this activity.

Thanks to whatever media outlet is causing this to be the #1...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:36:37 -0700

Thanks to whatever media outlet is causing this to be the #1 search in Google, again.

And no thanks to the thousands of people who will now think they have Asperger syndrome because of a “ain’t this wacky!” news item, or those who really, really need a dictionary when searching Google.

"i want to know which songs they were. s&g are the best. it’s unfortunate you have such..."

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:33:00 -0700

“i want to know which songs they were. s&g are the best. it’s unfortunate you have such questionable taste.”

- - Elisabeth.

I’ll never know which five songs they were, and that might be the root cause. I purposely listened carefully, I paid attention to the lyrics, and now only one hour later can’t remember anything about the songs apart from there being light singing and they doubled eachother a couple times. That’s not entirely true- I do remember that one song was named Bleecker Street but that’s only because I was already familiar with the street name itself and not the song.

I’m sure the general idea is “Listen for some more hours and you’ll appreciate it / find its genius” but I think I was hoping for something to stand out about the songs other than a soft hum. They’ll get another chance in the future.

If it’s in any way related, I’ve liked most of the Paul Simon’s Graceland album since the day I first heard it, but continue to find Vampire Weekend to be even less interesting than S&G.

"Five songs"

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:46:00 -0700

“Five songs”

- Simon & Garfunkel somehow ended up being a duo that I’d only ever heard two songs of in my lifetime (“Sounds of Silence” and “Mrs. Robinson”). Last night I downloaded their entire discography and set it to Shuffle today to see what’s what I’ve been missing. I lasted five songs.

I don’t know if they were five good songs, five bad songs, or five “important” songs, but by the end of the fifth track I was sure that I’m done with them for quite a while.

Opportunities in Horse Shit

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 12:52:00 -0700

Apart from diluting the brand of the increasingly less-legitimate TED conference (more pop stars than ever this year!), TEDx conferences allow any city that wants one to organize its own little get together and have participants feel they’re part of something special.

What bothers me most about the TEDx series is that it’s taken the word creative for advantage and just applied it over everything. In the email below, I’ve replaced every instance of creative with “horseshit.” My original attempt was to just remove the word “creative” and to ask if you felt the remaining piece sounded at all interesting, but this should cover both uses. Gone is the goal of speakers from Technology Entertainment and Design, and in comes, well, just about any local “Entrepreneur” who wants to tell you that his business is going to take over (sorry, I mean save) the world, but with very little substance to back it up beyond a plan mostly containing hope and good vibes. It’s an opportunity for self-promoters to pretend that they’re doing more than talking to a free audience who is all buying in to the the myth of expertise and vision. People lose their rationality when someone stands on an elevated stage.

So here goes:

“Cultivating the [Horseshit] Economy”. It will be an incredible opportunity to be inspired by leading [Horseshit] professionals, technology experts, entrepreneurs and business and cultural leaders from across the city and around the globe, and learn how they are driving the [Horseshit] economy. Built around the unique TED Talks format, themes will include [Horseshit] entrepreneurship, [Horseshit] sustainability and [Horseshit]technologies. Not only will you hear about innovative programs and projects, but you’ll also gain the tangible tools to make them happen within your organizations, businesses and communities.

[Horseshit] Entrepreneurship - At the intersection of [Horseshit] and innovation is opportunity. Where there is opportunity, there are entrepreneurs building companies and working towards social change.

[Horseshit] Sustainability – Sustainability has become part of every industry from design to green technologies. We’ll explore concepts and emerging practices that are reducing negative impact on the environment.

[Horseshit] Technologies - [Horseshit] technologies are shaping the future of the global [Horseshit] economy. We’ll explore emerging technologies that are impacting successful [Horseshit] economy growth.”

-+-+-+-+-

So what happens when you remove the horseshit? By removing the mentions of ‘creativity’ you’re left with a meeting about Entrepreneurship, Sustainability, and Technology, and still far too many buzzwords about the always-vague innovation, or the always-mentioned and rarely-implemented “sustainability” movement. Try to get a show of hands of everyone who is against “sustainability” or “innovation”- they’re easy pap that everyone can rally behind without having to think about making it a daily reality.

But hey, maybe there’s a chance someone will actually be doing something with it, and not just talking about the horseshit process of horseshit thinking.

It's called 'CMYK' for a reason

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:43:55 -0700

Just heard a production “Professional” say the following to a newly hired marketing person, “You don’t understand production so let me explain it to you.” (emphasis theirs)

They then proceeded to tell the new person that four color printing is “Yellow, Black, Red and Blue.”

Getting really tired of biting my tongue over things that have been standard practice for decades and I learned in seventh grade print class.

5. PROFIT!

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:11:00 -0700

Half-read an entry on Wikipedia about a Psychology 101 term
Use that term repeatedly, incorrectly apply it to at least two things a day
Appear intelligent only to people less curious than yourself
Smarter individuals typically won’t correct you, because of their own self-doubt and attempting to maintain social norms (D-K)

yacht: Hello from the loft in the van, somewhere in upstate New...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 11:33:35 -0700

yacht:

Hello from the loft in the van, somewhere in upstate New York!

I decided it was better to just reduce what was in my iPhone...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:33:22 -0700

I decided it was better to just reduce what was in my iPhone until I was happy having the discographies of a select number of artists instead. I mostly listen to Podcasts during the day, so music is typically my backup for those times when shows have run out, but people in public don’t stop talking.

reddestijl: moviesinframes: Punch-Drunk Love, 2002 (dir. Paul...

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 13:02:04 -0700

reddestijl: moviesinframes:

Punch-Drunk Love, 2002 (dir. Paul Thomas Anderson)

“So here we go”

I left the apartment this weekend. photosdaily

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 13:25:45 -0700

I left the apartment this weekend. photosdaily

Overthinking websites-as-ecosystem and content strategy

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 21:18:00 -0700

It’s a large portion of my day job to think about where content goes and how to present it. This means, unfortunately, when you send me a twenty word email at 7PM with a single idea, I’m prone to respond with a 1402 word email at 9PM explaining in far too much detail and research every reason why I think differently.

I’d call it a side effect of wisdom and doing “what I do” for over a decade now, but it’s more like exposing your own war wounds so another soldier will stop wanting to follow the other guy into a mine field. Confidence in the perceived competence of someone else is nothing compared to actual experience of your own.

Hefner - “The Heart of Portland” (3:57) I’m...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 19:45:00 -0700

Hefner - “The Heart of Portland” (3:57)

I’m certain I’ve posted this before. You need more Hefner anyway.

“Our industry is so bizarre- you just change a term and...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 19:18:00 -0700

“Our industry is so bizarre- you just change a term and they think they’ve invented technology.”

Larry Ellison, regardless of your opinion of him, helps bring people back down to earth when talking about “cloud” computing. Reminding people that “the cloud” is just this year’s version of Software-as-Service, on demand computing, system time rental, or whatever people have been calling basic network computing practices for a decade.

Quick, everyone get in the cloud!

I'm not naming names, but

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:58:00 -0700

What if there was a really amazing Mac software company that even Apple has borrowed interface elements from that I’ve helped for three different application betas, and the company were (in theory) in the process of updating their flagship FTP program? What if a new version of that program were so amazing that just its interface updates would make me happy to once again pay full price for a fresh copy?

I’m not saying, but I’m saying. And that’s all I’m ever saying about the subject. I promise.

I suspect the only people this will offend are people that...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:48:00 -0700

I suspect the only people this will offend are people that deserve it. “Can this pickle get more fans than X” is only a sign that you are not only less interesting than the subject you aim to mock but also the pickle.

"Who did I convince? Dunno. But having gotten a taste of cinematic provocateurhood, I’m like a..."

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:34:04 -0700

“Who did I convince? Dunno. But having gotten a taste of cinematic provocateurhood, I’m like a bear who’s imbibed human blood: if you want me to stop, get the zookeeper to shoot me.”

- Colin Marshall, who had to explain what ontological meant. To adults.

p.s.: If you watch the video, I hope you get at least one of the jokes.
p.p.s.: Might help if you also really like Herzog, Morris, or Broomfield.

"Hi David, Whomever gave you this email address is doing you a great disservice or might have..."

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:13:47 -0700

“

Hi David,

Whomever gave you this email address is doing you a great disservice or might have trouble discerning the shapes of letters. I can assure you as a one man photography shop that has literally no need for Xerox products or services (I work with a digital workflow, I use two printing partners, and our digital storage and backup costs are well below retail).

As you can probably imagine, doug@dougstewart.org would be my email address (I’m Doug Stewart), where the contact you seem to be attempting to reach is a Doug Connally- which as best I can find is a Texas surveying firm.

If you’d like to fly me out to whichever city you’re in, I’d be more than happy to take staff photos for no fee, and see what I can to make everyone laugh a bit. In trying to determine whether your email is legitimate or not, I’ve read a couple interviews you gave and you seem like a nice guy who clearly has a touch on the market. Best of luck getting ahold of the other Doug, and keep up the good work!

”

- David, a Vice President from the DocuSomething unit at Xerox has been trying to book a meeting with ‘me’ for weeks. I only today realised he wasn’t a spammer.